Free Electronic Cigarettes

I’m 21 I’ve been smoking for 8 years as of next month. I have asthma, a heart murmur and I take birth control and an inflamatory med that causes risk of heart attack to be higher, I have a high stress life right now and an anxiety disorder which smoking calms it down I’m not currently on medication for that. I have two kids a two year old and three year old, my sister (and best friend) is in rehab after trying to kill our mom and hitting another car head on while drunk. My husband is a firemen who works 3-6 24 hour shifts a week, my mom has similar hours to him as she works for the sheriffs dept. And I just feel like I’m stuck smoking!! I’ve tried the electronic cigarette but I couldn’t do it, didn’t feel or taste the same and I failed bad at that, I’ve tried cold turkey but that makes me want to hack people into tiny pieces. My husband was on chantex but it gave him bad dreams and crazy anger spurts which I can’t have any of that I already have bad dreams enough and I have to take care of my kids alone almost 24/7 I’ve tried apps on my phone I’ve tried looking at pictures of what it does to your body and the problems it causes the only thing I have not tried is nicotine patches or gum, but for me its not the nicotine, its the 3 minute break I get to take from life and the taste. I know the nicotine has a big part of that I even tried stepping outside to smoke the electronic cigarette like I do real ones and stepping outside for three minutes with nothing it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what else to do! I know its killing me, it makes me feel like crap and I cough all the time and have chest pains all the time. I’m paranoid I’m going to end up dead sooner rather then later if I don’t quit ASAP. I still have a full carton left so I’m not wasting 23 dollars so I’m not stopping until they ate gone.